There is a feeling inside of me that is all so familiar and yet I've never once been able to put words to it. It's the feeling of... change, I think. A bubbling in the core of my being, or maybe a quivering, that pushes my breath higher in my chest and makes all of me feel like I could just start shaking. It's a sweet/sour feeling; it feels like youth, like irresponsibility, like ignorance of my actual needs. But it also feels like hope and like a metamorphosis and like there is something (words, art, love, anything) that is desperately trying to burst forth out of me.

It's a very, very, very strange feeling and all the stranger because I haven't felt it in... years. Or at least a year. But, closer to years, I think. It almost feels white-hot, like anger does when it licks up inside of me, but this feeling is more... tenuous. It's a spark that could go out at any moment again. Is this inspiration?

I place my hand over my heart and yet I cannot feel it beating. Too fast? Too slow? Too much in the way? What I can feel is that fluttering. Not like a butterfly, but a little bird, trapped in the cage. (Is it trapped or does it just... live there? Is it allowed to live there? Is it happy to live there?)

Anyway, I can't figure out how to sort things on this website. We'll get there eventually. In other news: Luka Doncic was traded (!) to the Lakers (!!) for Anthony Davis and nothing else (!!!). What times we are living in!!!!